......

I just needed to ease my mind. I always have so many thoughts. This is the easiest way to just let go, without going crazy. I hate being a chameleon. I try to make everyone happy. Sometimes, I just wish someone could see right through me, and help me be myself. It's so hard to trust people. I'm just wondering what I really want. The idea of something can be so great, but in actuality, it's just a vision in my head that has been blown way out of proportion and made into a real life situation. I really think that I deserve better than what I get. Will it always be this way though? I just don't want to settle. I do that all the time. It's so painful to not feel appreciated. Lately, I just feel completely taken advantage of. This feeling is so familiar. It's poisoned so many of my relationships and I have no idea how to be vocal about it. I just make myself happy, for the time being, which is pretty much always. I rarely have moments where I feel bad for myself. I guess this is just a pity party. I've been wanting to express this so badly for the past month or so. I really hope that I won't always feel so mistreated or not appreciated. I deserve better....